Is It a Rough Patch or Time for Divorce? How to Tell

When you got married, you and your spouse vowed to stay together forever. You knew there would be rough patches. But you always expected that the two of you would be able to work as a team and get through them together. You figured you would come out the other side an even stronger couple than before. 

But now, it feels like your problems are impossible to work through. You’re starting to wonder if you can live up to those vows after all. 

You and your spouse have been fighting nonstop, butting heads over every little thing, and neither of you has been able to forgive past grievances. Should you walk away from each other? Or should you continue moving forward? 

Here are a few questions to ask yourself when you’re wondering whether or not it’s time for a divorce. 

Is Compromise Even Possible?

There are times when a compromise between two partners is genuinely not possible. It can be heartbreaking, but when you’re both able to accept this truth, you can both begin the process of healing and forgiveness, even if it means separating. 

For example, maybe one of you has realized that you want children. The other is staunchly childfree. There is no real middle ground here. In situations like this, divorce is, sadly, the only real answer.

Are There Red Flags for Abuse?

Perhaps you still truly love your partner. However, their behavior has been putting you on edge lately. Your loved ones are expressing their concern for your wellbeing.

It can be challenging to admit that the person who once treated you with so much compassion is now showing red flags for physically and emotionally abusive behavior.

But if your partner has ever put your safety at risk, it’s time for a divorce. Ask your friends and family for support during this tough transition. 

Are You Both Dedicated to Finding a Solution?

If the two of you are both still willing to work towards a solution, don’t assume you’ll have to throw in the towel just yet. But if you feel like your efforts are entirely one-sided, your marriage may be on the rocks. 

Likewise, if your spouse keeps pushing you to work with them on solving the problem, but you know that you’ve already checked out, there’s no shame in accepting that deep down, you have already moved on from this marriage, and it’s time for a divorce.

Is This the First Time You’ve Dealt with This Issue?

You don’t have to throw in the towel when an issue crops up for the first time. But is this the first time you two have confronted this particular problem? Or has it been an ongoing issue in your relationship? 

If you have been dealing with the same problem over and over again, it might be time to consider whether or not you’ll ever really be able to solve it. It could just be a sign of more profound incompatibility.

Are You Willing to Meet with a Counselor? 

Have you already considered these questions, yet you still feel unsure about what to do next? You and your spouse do not have to make the decision alone. Couples counseling can be an opportunity to work with a neutral party who will provide guidance and listen. 

Attending couples counseling together isn’t a guarantee that everything will work out. But if both of you are willing to give it a try, it can help you work towards a better future. 

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Are you and your spouse struggling to communicate, but don’t want to give up on your marriage? Couples therapy might be a solution.

If you’re located in the San Diego area, contact me today to discuss scheduling a session. Or, visit my couples counseling page to learn more.